Sheer force of Wills

     There has always been a disconnect between the family of my childhood and me. Always! My youngest memories of my mother are not of a woman who took an interest (of any kind) in spending time with me. She did not take me onto her lap much (at all?) She didn't help me learn to ride a bike. She didn't read to me before bed, nor cut out special time for me. She did state that i had a concussion at 6 weeks old, and again at 6 months old. "Bouncing Bonnie", she said the doctor called me.
     My father, when i was very young (from conscious memory, which began before age 3 for me) did, at one time, take me on his lap. That is, until my sister was born. I don't recall exactly what happened after that, other than hearing so many comments by my parents about how she cried for them every time they left her (this was endearing to them). She was and remains my dad's favorite. It was very obvious to me in many hurtful ways over the years. I can't compete with bonding over a beer at football games, that's for certain (not that I was ever asked to attend with him, -I wasnt, and I don't drink so there's that.) My parents attended my gymnastics meet when I was a child,...once. It was a regional meet, and it was the only one they attended. Ever. I was in gymnastics for years; multiple seasons, multiple meets. Many were 10 minutes from our home. Enough said.
   I am a survivor of head injuries as an infant. I am a survivor of name calling (my dad called me a "witch" when I was about 12 years old; it occurred when he and my mom were in one of their many fights, and I had the misfortune of being in a spat with my sister, his favorite, the result being I was a "witch." With one word, my heart was crushed by my father. He lamely apologized by trying to give me a stuffed monkey which my mother later told me was hers, to hurt both him AND me, to see that she could knock him down in my eyes, even though it came at my expense.)
    I am a survivor of a turbulent childhood filled with parents fighting often and loud and, at times, violently. My dad had scratch marks on him. A knife was used to threaten. Furniture was dragged out of our home. Spaghetti was thrown against a wall. Names were called and tears were cried. I ended up with stomach at age 10, and still suffer from them greatly to this day. I am 51 now.
    I am a survivor of chaos. My older brother ran away twice, -once to Michigan and once to Florida. My father once went to pick him up a state away (where my brother attended airline mechanic school), but when my dad got there, my brother was too drunk to come home (he was supposed to bar tend for a function my parents were to attend). My dad left him there and drove right back home, a nearly 4 hour drive. Only, he was so tired from the time spent on the road that he fell asleep and his car went off the road into a field. My younger brother, then a young teen, was in the car with him. God was merciful; they were unharmed. That same older brother has gone through periods of substance addiction, and done other despicable things that have continued to haunt me. He is hateful and hurtful. He is my mother's very favorite. She kept him up past bed time when we were younger. I was not allowed. In one of her many fights with my dad, plans to see Kenny Rogers fell apart. I offered to join her (because I liked Kenny). She informed me my brother would be going. Ouch! My brother has done so many hurtful things to other people. He wears hate as a wall, to keep others out, to hide away from his anxiety, his depression, his shortcomings. And he doesn't hesitate to full-on attack when it suits him. He manipulates as needed. I stood by him through YEARS of crap. Yet, when it suited him, he threw my parents under the bus, telling me that they would talk negatively about me in my absence "while I defended you", he said, in reference to our choices to homeschool, or to live out our faith as we do, or to raise our children the way we have. His intent, telling me how they speak of me in my absence, was both a betrayal of my parents on his part and an attempt to hurt me. He throws grenades and walks away. For their part, if I confronted them, my parents would completely deny ever saying anything negative about me. They don't own their mistakes (ever!), yet hold me accountable to the elephant they leave in the room. There have been so many elephants over the years. I used to carry them away, just so my parents would "like" me. They never did. They don't now. The only difference is, they can't force me to carry the elephant now. I won't. I never should have.
   I am a survivor of chaos. Of my sibling running away in the night, or urinating in the corner of our dining room while drunk. Yet for that sibling's birthday, there was a mother-child shopping trip to the mall for new clothes (I remember the new red coat). I got epsom salts for my birthday. For real. My sibling got their hearts. I got their despise. Odd how parents can divvy it up. I'm the Marilyn Munster of my family. How dare I not urinate in the corner; not throw up on the bedroom dresser; not run away, not live with the friend whose room was a black dungeon of "S&M", a path that led to suicide How dare I not have an affair with my spouse's sibling's spouse, which also resulted in suicide (the second in that poor family). How dare I not conform. How dare I live outside that box.
    My mother didn't want me to speak to my own children that day about their behavior. We were late in returning, and was she upset?She had already talked to them about any misbehavior while we were gone, and thus how dare I, their mother, attempt to do anything more. I spoke to my youngest child first about something that, while a minor infraction, was still a character training issue that we choose to work on with our children. Then I spoke to my daughter, who was the other child involved. That's where my mom drew a bitter line. How dare I speak to her. "This isn't right!", my mom spoke in disgust of me under her breath. And then....she walked away. I was not allowed to respond. She was allowed to contradict me to my children, to confuse the message to them, to pit me against them with her words, to belittle my authority as their mother, but I was NOT allowed to respond. She shut me down by walking away. "Silence!" Another elephant in the room. And I fell apart. It was the Pandora's box moment where the chaos and pain of my entire life was now going to run down hill into my children's lives, all because "the" authority (my mom) had spoken and I had not fallen in defeat. She was allowed to do this to me. I, however, was not to respond. "I am your MOTHER!", she shouted at me. And mother, I am your very grown, 49 year old adult child. I am not that little girl you chose to ignore.
She intended, by walking away from me, to put the elephant in the room and, as always, expected me to take it out. Only, I would not and could not. Not.This.Time.

My mother pridefully spoke of how my sister's child could get away with things with my sister and her husband "but not with me. He listens to me when *I* tell him." She gave her opinions where she should have held them, including on that day in front of my children; she was not a perfect mother. She set weak boundaries for us. She allowed favorites to be played in our home. She was distant. Prideful. She gossiped about one of us to the next. Gossiped or betrayed trust. She shifted. She avoided. She refused to acknowledge. She only apologized to me once, EVER (she was just that "right" in her mind, apparently). Yet, how dare I address my own children as I see fit. How dare I have expectations or hold boundaries for them as their mother.
    I survived the chaos. Drunkenness. Bitterness. Favoritism. I survived it, but it definitely crippled me. I lack clarity to this day; I second guess. I seek approval when I shouldn't. I avoid confrontation where it needs to occur. I shut down. I distrust. I cry, still. I am 51, but I'm a little girl, still, who continues to feel the disconnect. And still takes the hit instead of hitting back.
Today, I learned that I am not in their will for the division of their home value. My three other siblings are. They have cut me out. It comes as absolutely no surprise to me what-so-ever. I've said that this would be the case, and it is. And it hurts, as they intended it would. Only, I don't fall. I stand, strengthened by the sheer force of will that it took to survive my childhood. I stand without their approval, without their support. And I am thankful that they have lost the element of spiteful surprise which they counted on upon their deaths. I survived cancer without them. And so much more. There is so much more to tell. And I will. I held the secrets of our dysfunction for my entire life. I protected them when they didn't protect me. I tried to live by the fifth commandment, even planning to make a home for them here when that day of need for assisted living arrived. I am not perfect. I am flawed, and I have made my own mistakes and have hurt others as well. Even so, I *was* a good daughter, but... It was all in vain. But there are no more elephants for me to excuse, nor to carry out. Only the burden of brokenness. And I have been carrying that for a very. long. time. I post it here not to shame them, but to release it from ME. I deserve to be free. To be independent of the despise. To live outside the box they tried to keep me in. To have an uninterrupted voice. And I have continued to love my family in spite of everything. I am a good person and a good daughter. It's sad for both of us that they never genuinely cared to know. Philippians 4:13 

Mother's Day: The Gift, the Giver, The Grace.

Gifts come to us in different ways, -sometimes grand, sometimes simple, sometimes expected, sometimes unexpected. The thing is, we don't always truly recognize them when they come, nor do we necessarily give them when they are needed most.  The author of one of my favorite books, One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp, says it this way...
"You have got to figure out a way to stay fully awake. Time is blurring by and everyone is slipping past. How do we wake to the moments?" 

One of those "blurring moments" occurred today. 

Today, on Mother's Day.

I could have totally missed it, too, if not for the Holy Spirit prompting me to hear Ann's words, to heed Ann's words. Thankfully, I chose to stay fully awake, and I dare say that that choice resulted in one of my life's most precious moments, a gift I will take with me into always.

We had attended Sunday church service as a family, and were making our way home. Brandon, my 7 year old,...my baby,...told his dad he wanted to get me a gift with his own money for Mother's Day. We stopped at a local thrift shop so he could make his selection. I was not allowed to see, of course, but it turns out he chose a glass bunny figurine with flowers around it.

He was so proud. 

"Momma, can I wrap it for you when we get home? I hope you like it. I picked it out myself." 

He loves bunnies, that one, -still sleeps with an over-sized stuffed bunny most nights.

But being 7 years old, he is also squirmy and wiggly and on the move, and as such, was carrying his bagged bunny just a bit haphazardly. 
More specifically, he was swinging the bag back and forth, again and again. His dad requested to hold the bag until we left the store, which Brandon reluctantly agreed to. When we finally went to pay for a few other items, his dad returned his special bag to him, again reminding him to hold it carefully "so you don't drop it." 

A minute later, we heard the dreaded crash. My son stood there, partially in disbelief, mostly in agony, his chin quivering, tears filling his eyes. 

Now, I'd like to say I'm a "perfect" mother and therefore handled it in the most tender of ways. The truth is, I was not certain as to what exactly we should do. Brandon had not heeded  his father's instruction. In spite of the caution to hold his glass bunny carefully, he had not. And now...

It was gone. 
Broken. 
And so was his little heart. 
And so was mine, for him. 
What to do? What to do? 

I began, sympathetic and careful...
"I know, honey, it broke. I can't fix it,..." (because he was looking at me with pleading eyes, as if expecting that, somehow, I could do just that). 

He looked inside his little bag, trying not to show how upset he was, and sadly asked, "What should I do with it?"

My word, it's hard to be a parent, -to know when to be firm and when to soften; when to let natural consequences teach, and when to search for the deeper lessons. 
Had I not searched deeper, today, I would have missed the greater gift. 
But the Holy Spirit prompted my heart and, thankfully, I did search deeper. 

"What to do? What to do?"

I took my son, my immature, "still-learning-about-cause-and-effect" 7 year old son, by the chin and looked directly into his eyes. I  gently said, "I know you wanted to do something so special for me today, and that you're disappointed that it's broken. I wish I could fix it, but I can't." 
I hugged him tightly, kissed his tearful cheek and continued, "But the greater gift came from your heart, honey. You thought of me. You wanted to buy me a gift with your own money on Mother's Day, and I love you for that." 

I had also told his father in the check-out line, before I walked away from him, that at 7 years old, our son was too young and immature to "learn" that swinging the bag around, in spite of being asked not to, had resulted in a broken gift and a broken heart. "He'll only remember us saying, 'I told you so' if we handle this any other way but with grace." 

As I was hugging my son, his father walked up and handed me the car keys. 
"Take the kids and wait for us in the car." 
Then, to Brandon, he simply said, "Come with me."

Off they went, back into the store, where his dad simply reminded him that he must listen when we're guiding him. Then, "Let's see if we can find another gift for mom."

I am delighted to say I received another, equally precious bunny figurine from my son, who has a current love for all things bunny. Indeed, time is blurring past, but today, we "figured out how to stay fully awake", as Ann so fervently reminds us.  

And in staying awake, my gift was a little bunny. 

My gift was a tenderhearted little boy, who stills waves to his mom from the Little League ball field without shame, who covets my presence at every game and every practice.

My gift was his precious thoughtfulness. 

My gift was the voice of the Holy Spirit, guiding me where I often struggle. 

My gift was in discovering that I could, in return, be the giver of gifts. 
I gave my husband the message of grace, which he so lovingly applied to a tender and fragile moment. 
And we gave our son grace itself, -the room to grow and make mistakes,  and the opportunity to be redeemed. 

I have failed so many times as a parent, sometimes blindly, sometimes sinfully. But at the end of all my shortcomings, Jesus still redeems me. 
He always does. 

My ultimate gift, this Mother's Day, was to gain a much deeper understanding of the grace and mercy of a Savior who loves me unconditionally, even when I am immature and impulsive, and perhaps especially when my attention is captured and I am broken.

Parents, may you receive grace, that you might pass it forward, and may you be fully awake (lest you miss your many gifts received) when you do.

Eph 4:7
But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift.
Blessings,
Toni

10 Things You Need to Know About Tapestry Crochet (a.k.a. graphghan crochet)

I recently ventured into my very first tapestry crochet project. Now, I've heard it called Tunesian crochet, but it's definitely not.  But I'll warn you, it goes by a g'zillion names. You may find it called graph-ghan crochet, fair isle crochet (it's not fair isle, at least not in terms of what this means in knitting), mosaic crochet, color work crochet, jaquard crochet, or  even hard crochet. 

Don't let that last name scare the jeebies out of you. If you know your way around a hook, a skein of yarn, and the basics of crochet, then you've got this. 

Really.

What I've found to be the greater problem is that information on this technique is not well compiled. It's kind of, well,...fragmented? Yes, that'd be it, fragmented. I had to learn bits and pieces, here-n-there, some folks doing a better job than others at being an authority on the subject, before I felt confident that I had the necessary knowledge and skills to succeed.  

But enough about that. 

If you would like to give tapestry crochet the ol' college try, then there are some things you might like to know.

10 Things You Might Like to Know

• For your first try, a two color project (no more) is best. 
• A symmetrical project is also a first project "best." 
• I highly suggest you learn how to work with bobbins, as opposed to carrying your yarns. With just two colors, carrying works great. But as you ease into 3 or more colors, the bobbins will keep your individual colors "pure" (no background carried color visible in the stitches) and you'll avoid unnecessary thickness and bulk being added to your project.
• Bobbins do NOT need to be made on cardboard or store purchased bobbin "thingies." Figure eighting yarn on your fingers, then cutting it free from the skein/ball and taking the cut end and wrapping several times around the middle (and tucking the end under that wrap) will work just fine. You would then pull yarn from the starter end when adding the bobbin to your ongoing work. I can explain more on this if needed.
• Learn to always pull the unused colors to the official back side of your work.
• If you desire to make squares (a la granny square work), I would suggest patterns no larger than 31 stitches by 31 rows (all single stitch) The above project is 160 stitches by about 120 rows, by the way. 
• Knitting fair isle charts and/or perler bead charts make for great free patterns.
• Think of this type of crochet as a true art form; it cannot be rushed.
• You Tube videos will help you master the technique. 
• A cotton washcloth with symmetrical pattern might be a good first try.

I hope these pointers help, and please leave a comment below to let me know if you've tried this type of crochet, link to your work if you have a link, and/or let me know what you make in this technique.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Classical Conversations: What about Memory Master?

Last week was the final day of class on our local Classical Conversations campus. For those who are unfamiliar with Classical Conversations (CC), it is an excellent option for homeschoolers, which adheres to the classical method of education. This was our first year with CC, though we had homeschooled for 8 years prior to joining.  Looking back, it was a terrific year.  Our 11 year old son and 10 year old daughter were even successful in their first attempt at becoming a Memory Master.

What is Memory Master?

So, what is required of a "Memory Master"? Well, alot. My kids had to recite the entire history timeline from the age of ancient empires to 9/11/01.  They also had to name all 44 presidents, recite multiplication facts through 15s, correctly define 4 math laws, equivalent measurements (eg. liquid, linear, metric), 4 geometry formulas, answer questions about 24 science facts (eg. What are some types of ocean floor? What are some plant systems? What are 4 kinds of volcanoes?), 24 history statements (eg. tell me about the Songhai....about Nepoleon...about the split of the Roman Empire.), Latin noun cases and Latin noun declensions 1 through 5, defined preposition, helping, and linking verb and gave lists of each, and had to both point to and name 24 geography sets (eg, Show me the Roman empire, show me Ancient Africa, show me the countries of S. America, show me East Asia, what is each continent's highest mountain?).  My kids worked hard for this achievement, but truly, all the kids in CC are required to work hard. The academic bar is raised, while the environment is one of helping the kids to believe they can achieve those high goals.

We are not "that" family.

For those who "do" CC and perhaps are curious, I'd like to share a little perspective on our family's path to Memory Master. To be sure, we are not "that" family. You know, the stereotypical "perfect" homeschool family that is gifted with uber intelligence, incredible homeschool organization and implementation, "whittling canoes out of birch bark," as one CC mom hilariously stated (conveying that they were not "that family" either.)  I mean, yes, my husband and I definitely value academics.  But our children, while always usually interested in learning, are not what I would describe as "hit the floor running" passionate about their school work. Sure, they're bright and capable. At the same time, they can be "average students" with regard to focus and motivation. 

Additionally, there are some unique health/cognitive challenges that are part of our homeschool picture, including mild Autism and mild Cerebral Palsy. I share this to make the point that, as I see it, Memory Master is not an unachievable goal. Likewise, I'm sure we all realize it is not a badge of honor which proves one student's value over another.  It is simply a great academic goal to strive for, if a student so chooses.  

How does one approach the goal of Memory Master?

If you're wondering (as I did) how other CC families approach Memory Master, allow me to share our approach. I'm sure there are several ways to do it.  This is just what worked for us.

1. We were disciplined.  As our CC year progressed, we very regulary reviewed previous material. There is a great explanation and video at Simply Charlotte Mason, which, while provided for scripture memory work, can be modified for CC memory work. If you are unsure how to approach regular spiral review of the memory work, perhaps the video suggestion could work for you.
2. I chose to do our memory work  last each day. I know many families like to get it done first, but I found that by saving it for last, we could take as long as necessary to learn the current week and complete our spiral review. I could even bounce back and forth between dinner prep and some of the work. No clock ticking as other subjects waited.
3. I looked for opportunities to do extra review (emphasis on extra). My kids are competitive swimmers and we spend an insane amount of time at the pool each week. There is a 30 minute block of time where all 3 of my Foundations students are free to practice memory work at the pool. I tried to make good use of those minutes.
4. I made sure my students were up for the challenge. I did not require my children to attempt Memory Master, but I did encourage them to think about it. I took the time to explain that it was in line with our family homeschool goal to "strive for excellence."  Here, the emphasis is on "strive", because I told my children that hard work toward the goal and increased confidence in their memory work was, in itself, success. Measure the journey, not the outcome. My 5/6 year old kept pace with his two older siblings throughout the year, and I'll encourage him to consider Memory Master in years to come.
5. Do the time. We were not "casual" about getting memory work done.  It was a very important part of our school year (it's the "nuts and bolts" of the grammar stage, after all.) We purposed to accomplish our memory work each week, to know it well, completing no less than 30 minutes of memory work per day (necessary from around week 6 on).
6. We committed to rewarding the effort. I sincerely believe this served as both a motivator and a stress reliever as our kids worked toward their goal. My husband and I wanted them to know we were truly proud of the journey, not just the outcome. They were content, knowing they could choose a book at Half Price Books and "any piece of candy you want" (a huge treat) after testing, regardless of the result. I believe that last part ("regardless of the result") took some of the pressure off them. They could count on us, in advance, to be proud of their efforts. Really, I think this helped them to just chill.

At the start of our year, I would not have pegged my two kids to accomplish this goal.
"We're too new."
"They're not motivated enough." 
"There are too many health/cognitive challenges in the way."

I'm glad I didn't listen to me in the end.
I'm glad our goal to "strive for excellence" prevailed, because if I had relied only on how I felt, if I had not honored their desire to try, I would have denied them the lessons of the journey.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

• 

A Polish girl's pizza

(photo pending)
Really, who wants to eat the "same old, same old" pizza?  I know my family likes variety. 
We have only purchased grocery store pizza a few times.
Ever.
I just prefer to make my own at home.  It's what my family prefers to eat.

In years past, we did make classic pepperoni, but as our kids have gotten older, they are not big fans. "It's too hot.  It's too spicy."  You know the drill.

So, what kind of pizza do we enjoy?  Well, the closest  to traditional would be spinach pizza with very light cheese (we all kind of have an aversion to too much cheese, especially Olivia, Cierah and me.)  And we also enjoy barbecued bean pizza. 
Yep, you read it right.
Have you had Bush's Grillin' Beans?  Oh. My. Word.  Good stuff.  We use the Grillin' Beans in place of sauce and toppings, adding pineapple and light cheese, plus a tiny bit of oregano.  Sooo good.

But perhaps the most unusual (yet VERY loved and requested) would be...Pugush.

"What's pugush?", you ask.

Well, ask five people and you're likely to get five different, albeit slighly similar, answers.
For our family, pugush is a simple recipe, handed down from my mom's 100% Polish side,  that I would affectionately rename "Polish Perogie Pizza" if I could.  Have you ever had cheese & potato perogies?  If so, consider that you could enjoy them "on a pizza."  That, my friends, is Pugush.

Here is my recipe, tweaked just a tiny bit from the recipe my mom handed down to me.  I would encourage you to give it a try.  It's very filling, so perhaps just some lovely fruit like blueberries or fresh strawberries served as a side?

PUGUSH (Polish perogie pizza)  Makes 1 large rectangular pizza
************************
Potato topping:
7 medium Idaho potatoes, peeled, cut into 1" cubes, boiled until tender.
8 oz extra sharp cheddar OR colby jack, shredded.
4  tbsp margarine (or any butter/substitute you prefer)
1 medium/large onion, finely chopped for saute
1 can evaporated milk (can use skim)

Dough: (you can substitute any pizza dough you prefer)
3-¾ cups flour
1-½ tsp. salt
1-½ tsp. sugar
3 Tbsp. oil
1-½ Tbsp. quick rise yeast
1-½ cup warm water

Peel and boil potatoes until soft/tender for mashing.  While cooking, grate cheese and sautee onions in butter over low/medium heat with lid on pan, stirring frequenly to prevent burning (can add more butter if needed.)  Sautee until translucent/tender.  When potatoes and onions fully cooked, add onions/butter to potatoes, then add 1/2 can evaporated milk and mash as for mashed potatoes. Continue to add milk and then salt to taste, until a spreadable mashed potato consistency is achieved (dont' overthink it.) Set aside.

Preheat oven to 375º
In a large bowl, place first 4 ingredients of dough. In separate, smaller bow, add warm water and yeast, wisking well to incorporate.  Pour this into the larger bowl and stir with a large spoon until hand kneading is necessary.  Knead for approximately 4 minutes on flat surface.

Spray pan with cooking spray, then work dough into pan (I use a rolling pin for this, as the dough does not spread very easily).  Prebake for 3 minutes.
Spread cheese/potato mix over dough carefully, then bake for 15-25 minutes (check bottom of dough.  Pizza is done when dough is lightly browned to the middle.)
Cool 5-10 minutes, then slice and enjoy.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Mondays aren't so bad.

Mondays are a crazy blur of discombobulated oxymoronic organized chaos.  Oh my word, it's not easy getting 6 people out of bed, dressed, fed, and hair "done" for school photos. (You know, "done", as in actually brushed and then rebrushed 14 times before we leave the house, not including the additional hair Mulligans on the way to school.) 

It's even more difficult to grab 4 backpacks (one on wheels because my oldest has to bring ALL her curriculum with her for the school day), a canvas bookbag crammed to full-over with teacher guides, tin whistles and more, a lunchbox full of drink bags, and the day's potluck donation. Add 3 swim bags and a purse that could rival a crane ball as a weapon, and you get a glimpse into the crazy pace of it all.  But "it all" is our life, and truth be told, we kind of like it a tad chaotic. Okay sure, could do without the tin whistles serenading us "cacophany style" down the road, uh hem, but other than that, it's reeeally okay.

Before we know it, my husband and I will have that quiet house we almost wish for (before we push the thought away, knowing it will slither silently upon us all too soon). So for now, we drink in our Mondays as sweet as a gift from God himself, because we know that they truly are.  Hubs spends his morning in our 5 year old's kindergarten class, while I spend mine in our 9 and 10 year olds' class.  I excuse myself for an hour of their class time so I can attend Latin class with my 13 year old. I do love me some Latin. Salve!

I'm so thankful to be able to attend school with my children; to be surrounded by like-minded families who are there to edify and encourage one another's children in their academic and personal endeavors. I'm thankful for the tudors and the many mandatory hours of training they participate in on behalf of my children and the other children in our school. I'm thankful for the leadership of our wonderful director too. And at the end of the day, I'm thankful that 6 people, 4 backpacks, a lunchbox, and a wrecking ball purse make their way back to our aging van so we can grab an early dinner and settle in to an evening of swim practice at the natatorium.  The ebb and flow of family life is exhaustingly exhilerating (that's alliteration, by the way) and I wouldn't trade it for any other life. Okay, Martha Stewart's might be a teensy bit tempting. Just sayin'.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

"Can I join Classical Conversations with an older child who has never been in the program?"

Challenge A (a first time CC student's experience)

Okay, so! We are "up and running", as they say.  We have officially completed our first two weeks with our new Classical Conversations(CC) community.  Specifically, my oldest child has completed her first two weeks. Her siblings have been "doing school" lightly all summer long, and have completed math, reading, copywork/handwriting, math drills, typing, and some grammar review with me each day since their older sister began her new schooling with CC.

If you are an "on the fence" parent (wanting to try CC but hesitant to jump in with older children who have never been in Foundations and/or Essentials),  here is what I want say to you.  Ready?  Don't miss it.  Here it comes....................I want to encourage you, ENCOURAGE you, E-N-C-O-U-R-A-G-E  YOU that your child can succeed and that you will not feel unsupported in your endeavor. 

Seriously, I cannot say enough good things about our local community and the parents, tutors, and highly committed director who are making this transition as painless as possible for my family and me.  I have   sincere encouragement and support and so does my Challenge A student (who has never had Foundations, never had Essentials, and has had only minimal exposure to Latin prior to our joining CC.)

She loves the familiar layout of her days at home (which, with the exception of one adjustment I had to make to her schedule, follows the order of her full day at CC each week; the continuity at home is great for the students.)   I will say she works hard.  We are up at 7:30am and her schooling starts at 8am sharp.  She works a full hour per strand ("subject"), and must stay on task if she wishes to avoid homework or keep it to a minimum.  She finishes her schooling at 2:30pm, completes chores for 15 minutes, then must address any homework promptly, since she's a competitive swimmer and puts in 90 minutes at the pool 5 days per week.  As I said, she works hard.

But the point here is to encourage you.  Do you want the benefit of an intimate group of Christian peers, iron sharpening iron, for whom the academic bar has been raised while full support is given in teaching them to believe they can reach that bar?  Do you want your child to learn to think critically and analytically, and to learn to express their convictions intelligently and persuasively?  Do you want them to be able to regularly practice (and constantly improve) the skills of oral presentation in front of a group of adults and peers alike?  Do you want them equipped to research and to formally document that research according to college standards? Back in the day, I dreaded "term papers" because they were always a "heavily weighted beast" of a foreign object that I had to somehow navigate successfully to the expectations of a teacher or Prof. (with little training or practice in the "how to" of producing such papers.)  Not so with CC.

With CC, beginning in the Challenges, the students get plenty of practice in research, writing, and speaking.  Oh, the absolute joy it brings me to know my daughter is gaining this advantage in her education.
In two weeks, she has already written FOUR papers.  And she has already orally presented two of them. (Keep in mind, she had not previously had public speaking opportunities, other than National Spelling Bee and end-of-year presentations with another homeschool group we participate in.)  Next week, she will orally present the other two papers (using only notecards and a key word outline for one them.)   Sound like too much?  It's not.  Seriously, it's really not.  The students are given much direction, plenty of encouragement, and PLENTY of grace as they learn.  It's such a huge blessing on them.

If you've thought about Classical Conversations but have reservations about whether your children can succeed when jumping in later rather than earlier, please feel free to ask me any questions you might have about our experience.  I will continue to post as we move forward in the months to come.  But as far as our coming out of the proverbial gate, I do believe we're going to have a great run.  I'm very, very pleased that we stepped out in faith and joined CC and that CC has embraced our family as well.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Preparing for Classical Conversations Cycle 1

So, the summer continues to fly quickly by (as summers are known to do). We've had dance recitals, visits with family, a few hikes through canyons and creek beds, chances to chase fireflies, fireworks (in spite of the drought), cool-offs at the Splash Pad, swim meets, and more. Oh, the sweet blessings of summer.

At the same time, I often feel like there aren't enough hours in a day to plan for our coming school year. Then again, it seems there is oddly little planning I can actually do because our new Classical Conversations venture must, to some extent, simply unfold. I'm trying not to worry too much (as if I'd have any real clue of what specifically to worry about). It's just that I'm so used to planning out our year, hour by hour, day by day, week by week. But this year must simply unfold a bit first.

So, what have I been able to do to prepare? Well, in late June, I attended the 3-day parent Practicum organized by Classical Conversations. Oh my word, I was so inspired, challenged in my thinking, and enlightened. Inspired that the classical model will be good (no, great!) for my children. We have incorporated classical elements into our homeschool learning for years, but I'm excited to make it our main focus moving forward.(I'd be here all day if I ventured into my convictions.) Challenged by parents who in turn challenge their children to their fullest potential. No backing down or "watering down" the hard work of,...well disciplined, hard work. And oh, the amazing things their students are able to accomplish when the bar is raised. (They in fact demonstrated the result of their year-long CC work for us.) Enlightened to the model and method of Classical Conversations as it relates to a classical education.

My oldest daughter will enter the Challenge program without the benefit of Foundations or Essentials. This summer, she has been listening to the Foundations Latin memory work on her mp3, and has been doing daily drills and some accelerated math as well. She has also read all the books assigned in her Challenge level for the year, so she will have a first-run familiarity with them before she has to officially read and discuss them in class. I know she will have her work cut out for her in adjusting to her new schooling, but I also think she will be motivated and encouraged by the friendships she'll form with her peers at CC.

My two middle children have been writing out the definitions of the eight parts of speech, as well as the list of prepositions used in CC (thankfully, they're coming off a year of heavy work with prepositions and prepositional phrases, so the list is merely a longer version of one they had previously memorized at home.) They are also continuing with math and daily drills.

My 5 year old has begun his Kindergarten math curriculum (we use Math-U-See), and is doing some light phonics and sounding out C-V-C words. All four are reading at least 30 minutes per day, the middle children read a page out loud to me, and the youngest listens to stories and sounds out some words in the text as we go.

So, what else can I do to prepare? Well, I'm reading Leigh Bortins'The Core, a book I would highly suggest any "homeschooling" parent read. (To be sure, all parents, who take a committed interest in their children's educations, homeschool to some extent, regardless of the schooling option they've chosen.) This book is literally filled with terrific practical suggestions on how to take advantage of the way the brain learns, to challenge our children to their fullest potential in their school work (or after-school work), and on how to make learning a priority in daily life at home.

I'm also tracking down resources to supplement our weekly history and science focus at CC. We already have many on hand (ie. Story of The World volumes and Mystery of History volumes). But we will also fill our book basket with living books from the library so the children can "sample and feast on" a variety of coordinated books each week.

I've already met several wonderful people from our CC community this summer, and have joined a book club based on The Core, to gain insight from others in the group as well. And yet...our new venture must simply begin to unfold.

And so we anticipate as August 20th quickly approaches. Olivia will begin Challenge A on that day. I plan to sit in on her first two weeks, to get a feel for her days so I can better assist her in adjusting at home. After that, my time will be divided to my other children's classrooms as well. Her siblings start 3 weeks later. We've officially made the transition to year-round schooling, so we'll all be busy doing something of educational value in the midst of our waiting.

If you are using Classical Conversations for the coming year, especially if it's your first year, I'd love to hear how your plans are going. Leave me a link in comments and I'll be sure to visit.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Hello, Classical Conversations

Brandon graduates preschool 5/22/12

This is very much a transitional year for us in homeschool. For the past seven years, we have used My Father's World as the bones of our homeschool curriculum. Seriously, I cannot say enough good things about My Father's World. It combines all the philosophies and elements of homeschooling that I, an ecclectic person, could not choose between; Charlotte Mason, Classical method, and Unit studies. I could have used My Father's World all the way through and never looked back. But alas, I am not the only on who must thrive on our homeschool "diet." Naturally, so must my students.

My students, whom I thought would thrive on the gentle approach laid out by Charlotte Mason philosophy, often took on more of a "lazy" approach; not wanting to be challenged and preferring to take the path of least resistance. "That's natural," some say. Well, just because it's "natural" (say some) doesn't mean it's good for us. Radiation from the sun is natural, but clearly it's not best for us to soak it in. No, I teach my children to strive for excellence and so we (my husband and I) determined that a change was in order. This is the year.

This year, we are implementing year 'round schooling; not only because we feel it's best for our children over the "I'm bored" summer months, but also because our local schools went this route and we kind of like some things about the model.

And this year, we decided to enroll our children in our local Classical Conversations community. Oh my goodness, teacher-mom is overflowing with excitement about this big change. For one, the challenge will be there (ironically, the upper levels are called the Challenge levels, hee hee). It is a rigorous program based on the Classical model of education. My children will study history, geography, math, grammar, writing, oral presentation, science, music and art (classically), and Latin in a classical framework (even 4 and 5 year olds will begin work in Latin). They will attend classes once a week alongside their peers, then work on similar content at home during the rest of the week. This will provide friendship, support and encouragement for them, but also for me, teacher-mom, as a parent must attend along with the student(s). And, this next part thrills me to no end,...all students must give a weekly oral presentation. In the younger years, it begins with a show-and-tell and/or two minute presentation. In the upper years, it is more detailed, where students research and report weekly on science topics and writing projects. This skill is sadly underdeveloped in many educational realms, and I'm ecstatic that my children will be working on it weekly with Classical Conversations.

I'm also quite excited about the positive peer "pressure" that my children will now encounter. I want them to experience other students who are ambitious, driven, bright, and polished. I want them to be motivated by those examples and by facing accountability to another adult instructor other than mom. Oh my word, I could go on and on about the things that draw me to Classical Conversations, but this gives you a glimpse into our thoughts at this time. I am attending a 3-day Practicum June 26-28 to better prepare me for my at-home role as a classical educator. We will still be using My Father's World, by the way. Only, Classical Conversations will now serve as the "bones" of our homeschool, while My Father's World will provide the supplemental "meat."

Stay tuned. My oldest begins on August 20th. I'll be reporting on this new journey as it gets underway.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Spring has sprung and gone.

It's been a busy spring and looks to be an even busier summer. We did some traveling this spring, taking the children to San Antonio in March and Phoenix in May. Found a terrific discount for Sea World San Antonio so we did that. The children loved the shows and the fact that some rides (including rollercoasters) were sprinkled throughout the park.

We also visited the Alamo and 4 other missions, the Japanese Tea Garden (do NOT miss this if in San Antonio; it's not 10 minutes from the Alamo), Fort Sam Houston (wouldn't miss this either; just 5 minutes from the Alamo and your children will love the wild deer, peacocks and turkeys that roam the property), and the sand dunes at Corpus Christi. Drove by the USS Lexington and snapped a few pics while in Corpus Christi, but the museum (on board) was sadly closed at that time.

IN Phoenix, we of course drove to the Grand Canyon. Let me tell you, there is not a photo in the world that does it justice. ONLY the eye can take in such depth of beauty (isn't it amazing that the greatest lens ever created was given to YOU for personal use from the Creator, God the Father, himself!) We saw wild elk while there and learned about the most remote "post office" operation in the USA. There's a town, Supai, that is located 8 miles down in the canyon. It is home to 200+ native Amnerican Indians and the mail is still brought in/out by mule. You *can* visit Supai, but it takes HOURS to get there (even by mule) and you do need permission and a permit.

We also enjoyed a fun-filled day of rafting and water slides at Big Surf waterpark. Olivia spent the entire 6 hours on her raft, becoming quite the "surfer", while the younger children preferred the water slides. This park is part of my childhood and I hadn't been back in 33 years. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it has been maintained and how much it's grown. We were blessed to get a very sizable discount by providing three food donation items (each) when we bought our tickets. Win-win.

We also spent a day driving the Apache Trail, where we ate lunch at the quaint town of Tortilla Flat (population 6), took in the amazing canyon scenery as we navigated hairpin turn roads along the cliffs, and stopped at the Roosevelt dam and bridge toward the end of the trail. Just to give you an idea of the "remoteness" of the drive, there is a survival training camp located back in them thar hills.

We also ate at one of my favorite restaurants, located in Scottsdale, Pinnacle Peak Patio. You can eat outside under the stars with the mountains and Seguaro as your backdrop, listening to country-western music, while you have your western style dinner. Their gimick is to cut off the tie of anyone who dares to arrive "so stuffy" and the children got to see this in action, which was cause for lots of giggles. Olivia loved that they keep 3 Rattlesnakes in an aquarium inside the restaurant (our reptile lover). They all enjoyed the place so much that they requested to go again. So we ate their twice while in Phoenix. ;) That's a glimpse of the busy part of our spring, not including swim meets, swim clinics, a dance recital, preschool graduation, a visit from my parents, a couponing class taught by me, heavy school days right up to the end, and lots of dental appointments and expenses (teeth pulled, braces process begun, etc.) I'll venture into our summer plans in a future post.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

My toilet paper stockpile

Okay, truth be told, I stockpile toilet paper. Now I'm not talking coupon-related (though give me a minute, I'm getting to that). I'm simply 'fessing up that I have a bit of a paper fetish and, yes, it includes good old twa'lette paper as well.

But in the past 9 months, I have taken on couponing as a way to carve out some pretty significant savings in my family's food and household budget. Today, I was able to hit a "stockpile price" on toilet paper. Here's the deal.

CVS has Angel Soft double-roll 12 packs on sale for $5.00 They also have a deal going where you spend $30 on certain products (Angel Soft included) and you earn a $10 gift card (note: this is even better than their Extra Care Bucks program because those rewards expire within a month and the gift card does not.)

So, I purchased 6 of the Angel Soft 12-packs, used six 50¢ Angel Soft coupons plus a $1.50 cash back reward I had earned from my last quarter of CVS purchases. Price was now $25.50. Keeping the $10 gift card in mind, th actual cost of the toilet paper was $15.50. This breaks down to $2.58 per 12pack (or, if you think in terms of 4 packs, then 86¢ per double roll 4 pack.)

But for me, it gets better. I also had another $11 in Extra Care Bucks so my out-of-pocket expense was $14.50 plus tax AND I got the $10 gift card.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is what we call a stockpile price. :)

If you would like to learn about couponing, I suggest checking out the following blogs and websites.
Coupon Mom.com
Money Saving Mom.com
The Krazy Coupon Lady.com

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Are you willing to challenge yourself?

It's that time of year. The time when we make all kinds of failed promises new year resolutions to ourselves in hopes of improving various areas of our lives.

In the past, I have either ignored the whole resolution thing altogether, or set a few poorly defined goals with no real plan for how to achieve them.

This year, I want it to be different.
This year, I am truly motivated to set goals and to work toward achieving them.
This year, I dreamed big and I'm reaching high.
This year is going to be different.

Okay sure, those last few sentences sounded like a self pep-talk, destined for failure (been there, done that).
But in setting my goals for this coming year the question I earnestly asked was, "Are you willing to challenge yourself?"

Challenge, in part, can be defined as, "to arouse or stimulate, especially by presenting with difficulties."
This is what I'm digging deep for.
At the top of my list, I have come up with a personal goal based on dreaming big and I'll need to dig deep (deep!) if I intend to achieve it. This goal will most definitely present me with difficulties, but they are the kind that will force me to tap into my creativity, my will, and my passion for learning new things. I can't reveal that specific goal (at least not at this time), but I definitely hope to share it some time in the coming year.
(Summer? Ish.)

In the meantime, here are a few of the goals I can share for now.

CRAFTY/HANDS-ON GOALS:

• finish Ohio State lapghan
• learn to knit
• master bedroom makeover
• homemade strawberry jam
• give Etsy a try
• teach oldest daughter to plan a week's meal menu, shop, and cook the meals for that week

FINANCIAL GOALS:

• create a consistently worked family budget
• increase the amount of our mortgage payoff
• look into paying cash for a replacement van
• build our food/household stockpile

TRAVEL GOALS:

• take at least two "flash" trips this year for educational purposes

SPIRITUAL GOALS:

• complete daily quiet time (scripture reading)
• Read at least one book quarterly that challenges me spiritually
• increase our family's food bank ministry
• continue Sunday night bible study with my husband
• log family devotional time for accountability

PERSONAL/MOTHERING GOALS:

• New year motto: "Grace first."
• Practice words of affirmation daily basis
• "date" one child per week
• create a schedule/blocks of time to work on "the big goal and follow through."

HEALTH/FITNESS GOALS:

• drink 8 glasses water per day (predictable, I know, but I don't do it.)
• use cross trainer for 30 minutes, every other day
• take 2 mile family walks 3x or more per week (doing Pilates instead during inclement weather)
• one hike per month
• try at least one new vegetarian recipe per month

So there you have it, some of the goals I'm tackling for the coming year. I intend to visit my list weekly and then "scrutinize" it monthly to guage where I'm at and how I need to change course to succeed (the ultimate goal). This is a much more pro-active approach than I've taken in the past and I'm both excited and challenged by the very thought of going for it.
And I am.
(Going for it, that is.)

How about you?
Are you willing to dig deep and challenge yourself?
I hope you have been inspired to be challenged as well; to enter this brand new year with purposeful intent.
I'd love to hear what's on your resolutional plate for 2012.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Christmas in Heaven; When we yearn for loved ones

Believers, if you are missing a loved one at Christmas, consider this; Mary pondered what the shepherds told her concerning the Savior.

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:16-19

The world would have us swept up in the commercialism and "merry" of Christmas. But Mary modeled something deeper; quiet reflection about the true meaning. As your heart yearns for your loved one at Christmas time, may you also give yourself the blessing of simple, quiet reflection, the blessing of peace. A blessed Christmas to all.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

What a chore!

As we are a homeschooling family, our house gets an average of 13,500 hours more wear and tear on it over a "school years" lifetime than the home of a non-homeschooling family. Trust me, when I tell you that can show quickly, I mean it.

All families must address the challenge of how to approach chores with their children. In our home, the ability to assign, check, and reassign daily chores is crucial if we want a standing house over time (said with a bit of drama to match the haggered defeat I feel when failed chore time gets the best of me.) So, what to do? It's the question we all ask occasionally.

We started a new chore system this year. It's one that has made its way around the internet and thankfully landed in my home. I believe it may have its roots in Managers of Their Chores by Teri Maxwell. I believe the Duggars use a form of it as well (if it works for their home, I'm thinking it's got to be good). And I was introduced to it by Courtney at Women Living well blog. Here's my take on it.

The children have a chore "pack" which they can wear like a necklace after school to complete their round of chores ("on your person" is a great tool for reducing, "I forgot," syndrome). I used a simple clear plastic I.D holder and simply hole punched it for tie-on strings. Then,...

• I used patterned stock paper to make a fitted card that reads, "DONE" on the patterned (front) side and has the child's name written on the plain white (back) side.
• I then cut multiple blank fitted cards on which I could write a single chore. Our list includes: unload dishwasher, transfer wet clothes to dryer and start, change cat litter, feed guinea pig, sweep out guinea pig's case, wipe bathroom sinks and mirrors, collect bathroom garbage, clean out van and put away non-garbage items found, sweep kitchen floor, vaccum upstairs, vaccum downstairs, put away all toys in playroom, dust furniture, wipe down railings, wipe down light switches and door knobs (assigned daily during times of illness), straighten bookshelf and book pile, straighten shoe rack. There is also a "morning chore" card that each child must complete, which includes brushing teeth and hair, make bed, get dressed, bring laundry baskets/dirty clothes down to laundry room.
• Assigned chore cards are slid into the plastic sleeve front.
  As each chore is completed, the child takes that card and slides it behind the "DONE" side, to the back of the card, which has their name written on it.) This way, when all chores are completed, the child sees "DONE" and may bring his chore pack to me so I can verify that all work was completed.
• Each day, I assign 2-3 cards (in addition to the morning chore card) to each child.
• For Brandon, who is not yet reading, I sketched images of chores which he is able to complete on the back of a written chore card. That way, he can look at the picture and know what to do (ie. a shoe for the shoerack chore, a feather duster for the dusting chore)
• Each day, I rotate cards, adding the chores that were not sent out the day before to complete, and rotating which chores each child receives.
• For each day that chores are completed correctly, without complaint, and in a timely manner (which means right after schoolwork is completed), a dime is earned. Earn all 7 dimes for the week and chore reward is rounded up to $1. Complain, delay, or do chore hastily (and thus incorrectly) and that day's dime and the weekly $1 round-up is lost. Our goal is NOT to pay our children for chores, as they also receive a consequence if we determine their attitude toward serving one another is sinful (consequences might be something like no Wii for the weekend, or serving by doing extra chores).
• Those who succeed in earning all four dollars in a given month will earn a bonus dollar for the month. They are setting goals for using their chore money toward a particular purchase and are using part of it to learn about ministry as well.

This system is working very well so far in our family (we're about 6 weeks into it.) A quick word on laundry too while I'm on the topic of chores. If you struggle to keep up with laundry like I used to (oh, the mountains of laundry that doubled as a "play hill" for my toddler many years back), then you might give these successfully applied tips a try as well.

I purchased small baskets from Dollar General (and other such stores) that could double as mini laundry baskets. It may take a bit of effort to find just the right ones (most are either too small or too big for this purpose), but it's worth the effort of finding them. They should be large enough to hold a full-sized basketball. I prefer the soft, pliable ones so a child can gather both hand grasps in a single hand for going up and down the stairs, but have also used hard plastic baskets as well.

Each day, my children are responsible for bringing these baskets down to the laundry room with any dirty clothes removed from the night before. They must also take these baskets up as they head off to bed each night, often full with clothes they must put away. If I am particularly busy in the laundry room on any given day, they must also put way clean clothes mid-day and return the basket to the laundry room until they again retrieve it at the end of the day.

I began this chore with each of my children at 3 years old (keeping the basket's weight light enough for my 3year old to carry so he/she could practice the chore with older siblings). I do not fuss over how neatly (or not, uh hem) the clothing is placed in the drawers for younger children. I consider wrinkles a minor inconvenience for me not having to trek up and down the stairs with umpteen loads of laundry each day myself. But older children (from about 8 years old and up) are expected to neatly put their clothes away. So, there you have it. And for the record, I am a daily laundry washer. I try to do at least one load every day for our family of 6. With the children helping me so much, it's not bad at all.

I would love to hear how chores "work" in your home.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Delicious comfort food!

It's been getting quite chilly (if not downright cold!) here in central Indiana the past week or so. I'm not one for cold weather. In fact, the only thing I enjoy about it is the built-in requisite slow down; one is basically forced to pause for a season.

So yesterday, I found myself thinking, "Comfort," as I planned dinner. And what came to mind was a good tuna casserole (good being the key word).

Creamy, comfy, YUMMY tuna casserole.

The recipe I use really is both simple and good, if I do say so myself.
I happen to get all 12 thumbs up here (two per body count).
Just sayin'.

Tuna Noodle Casserole
*************************
16 oz elbow macaroni, cooked and drained.
2 hard boiled eggs, peeled and finely chopped.
2 cans tuna in water, drained.
1 cup mayonaise.
1 Tbsp. lemon juice (I use concentrate)
At least 6 green onions (I choose to lightly sautee mine first)
8 oz cheddar cheese, shredded
2 sticks celery, chopped (optional; I usually leave this out)
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper

Mix all ingredients in large bowl and pour into greased casserole dish.
Bake in preheated oven at 350º for 15-20 minutes, just until heated through.
serves 8.

Enjoy!

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

Bringing home the gold.

My Olivia had her first swim meet today. She has been training on the developmental team for a year and finally moved up with "the big dogs" so it was an exciting day for her. Though she likely didn't place, she established her entry times, learned the ropes of knowing when her heat was up, and so on. All in all, a fun day.


I competed in gymnastics when I was her age and it was such a fun time in my childhood. The coach would pick us up in the YMCA van and off we'd go, sometimes a half hour away, sometimes 2 hours away. We'd be gone all day and our parents never knew how we did until we returned home late in the evening (I only placed on 2 events my entire first year, so you can imagine how encouraged I was after the first meet of my second year, when I came home to report that I had placed in every single event and had placed 2nd all-around as well.)

How things have changed. In my day, it was a personal commitment, but not so much a financial commitment. Sure, there was a YMCA junior membership to purchase, and the expense of practice suits (team suits and warm ups were provided).
The coach drove, and we stopped for fast food on the way home. There were very few expenses involved.

Today?

Parents have to volunteer 4 times/year (per family). We had to sign up to bring food items. $5 per person to attend the meet. $5 for a program (A program? We never had programs before). A fully stocked snack bar was open for business (including Subway sandwiches for sale). Really? Because back in the day, I had to hit the candy machine for M&Ms, banging on the glass when the Archimedian screw failed to plop out my chosen treats. But today, apparently it's "all out". They were even selling meet tee shirts for $10. We did have shirts made for our regional meets back in the day, but regular season meets? No way. The whole experience, from a worldly perspective, felt a bit over the top to me.

But not from the perspective of watching my sweet girl compete. She has worked so hard to have her own lane. And she was so very proud of her efforts. A few of the kids came off their events crying because they were unhappy with their times or because they finished last in the heat. And who knows, maybe those days are yet to come for my kids too. But for today, it was simply a wonderful moment in my daughter's childhood; a moment where she gave her all and smiled ear to ear over her efforts. In that regard, I'm happy to say we brought home the gold.

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~

MOMMY GUILT

Mommy guilt!
Been there, done that?
I thought so.
Me too.

So I was thinking about it yesterday as dh and I worked on our third batch of cinnamon apple butter together.
(Yes, we make bodaciously marvelous apple butter together; gals, this is what happens when you convince them the stove is a "grill".)

There our four kids were, watching The Wilderness Family on DVD, while we spent about 2½ hours busying ourselves in the kitchen.
[Begin lament]
I should be with them.
They need me.
Why am I sitting here stirring apple butter?
This is lame.
[end lament]

Wait,...just why am I sitting here making apple butter? The obvious answer was that my family likes cinnamon apple butter and I was making it to please them.
So why do us moms have to complicate the issue?
I mean, hubby wasn't having "daddy guilt" (at least not that I could see; has that been invented yet?) And the kids did seem perfectly fine without me.

So I got to thinking. It wasn't so much that I was busy making apple butter that gave me a small dose of mommy guilt. It's just that I was busy.

Busyness.
Time sucked away from the precious moments of our days.
Time is limited and must be stewarded wisely.

So, I slathered a little apple butter on a bite of english muffin (to help me think, of course) and thought some more.

Mommy guilt when I'm washing and folding the bed linens. Sure, we do need clean bed linens, but if one (or all) of my children is feeling particularly mommy-needy that week, why can't I delay that chore and invest in my children instead?
When they are gone, will they recall those clean sheets?
Or the time spent (or not spent) with me?
Which one do I want them to recall with fondness?

Mommy guilt when they want me to go outside to play with them, but I decline because it's "too hot" (seriously, do we ever outgrow that whine?) and I'm feeling right comfy in the air conditioned house.

But,...

Would I melt?

Actually, yes I would.
I have naturally curly hair and it totally frizzles to the max after too much heat and humidity (seriously, I do).
But just because I'll come back inside looking like an English sheepdog doesn't mean I should take my dose of mommy guilt lying down on the sofa.
Time is what they want and it's mine to give.

Or not (gulp!)

Cautious note to self: I cannot buy it back when the fleeting moments of childhood are gone.

As I recently read (and agreed with) elsewhere on the net, I'm certain when my children are grown and gone, I will yearn for these days I'm in midst of now.
I will wish I could do it all over again.
I just don't want to wish I had done it differently.

Throw mommy guilt out the window at some point this week, won't you?
When your child comes and asks you to get stuck in the Molasses Swamp for 47 turns (again), indulge him.
No matter how well intentioned your busyness may be regarding the serving your family, your children will be well served indeed by your willingness to simply be with them.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..."

Live wise in Him!

~Toni~